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Congratulations Is Hard

January 12, 2014

I have a hard time accepting congratulations from people. Not because I am unhappy about being pregnant. I think mostly because my pregnancies are not like normal people. My pregnancies are not filled with joy and excitement and hope for the future. My pregnancies are filled with worries and what if’s. My pregnancies are filled with extra doctors appointments and extra blood work. My pregnancies are filled with fear wondering if that ache or pain was my baby’s last breath.
So if you congratulate me and I don’t seem thrilled don’t take it the wrong way. I am thrilled that God chose to create new life in me. New life if a miraculous thing. Hearing my baby’s heart beating was the purest sweetest most perfect sound. For those ten seconds all was right in the world. Then the next two weeks until I go to the doctors again worry me. So we bought a fetal heart Doppler. It should be coming in the mail this week. It is a good one too so hopefully that can offer me some peace of mind. I hope it can calm my nerves. Dear God please keep this baby alive and safe. I cant bare the thought of another loss.

Anyways my point of this blog is to say that congratulations is hard for me to excitedly accept.
Not because I am ungrateful or rude.
But because of my past circumstances.
But letting me know that you are praying for me means the world! I appreciate and covet that.

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