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Just one of those days

August 15, 2013

Here is the thing.

I don’t blog for people to read it, I blog for my soul. I blog so that I don’t lose my mind!! Once I blog, I get it off of my chest and feel so much better. But I am blessed when people do read it.

I kinda quit blogging for a bit.

People don’t seem to understand loss.

Some told me to buck up, get some therapy, talk to a professional, etc.

This blog is my therapy. I don’t like talking to people face to face, so that wouldn’t help. Just makes me mad.

Losing a baby May 2012 and another precious son May 2013, I have faced hell. I have worked through so much and I still have a ways to go.

The next few months feel hard for me already.

As my precious friend celebrates her babys first birthday, I sit here with empty arms wishing I was planning Timothy’s first birthday party. Come October……. our sweet Daniel would have been due.

All of those horrible feeling creep back in at the drop of a hat.

But I tend to keep them to myself now, or my blog here because I know that I make people uncomfortable. I don’t want to be “that girl”

I want people to want to be around me.

Some days I feel like I have the plague. I don’t get included or invited anywhere!!! I promise I am not that bad! It just takes me a while to warm up to people. I am very guarded.

Anyways. Be patient with me.

I am ok for the most part but this ol’ heart is still pretty raw.

My biggest prayer was for a healthy baby and I got handed two born still.

No momma should go through that.

I am a mother to five. I carried five lives inside of me.

Ryley(Miscarried at 13 weeks), Trevor (My handsome 8 year old), Hannah (My sweet 7 year old), Timothy (Miscarried at 19 weeks) and Daniel(Miscarried at 16 weeks)

I look to people like the mom to two, a boy and a girl, but I am momma to FIVE. Five very important precious lives that all have huge importance and meaning.

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From → Baby Loss

5 Comments
  1. I’m so sorry for your losses.
    I lost my only baby two months ago at 17 weeks, and I often still feel so broken. That short little life impacted me in a way the world can never understand.
    No matter how small or short a life, these babies matter.
    Hoping you find comfort and sending healing thoughts to you.

    • Thank you ❤ I am so sorry for your loss! It is the most difficult thing to go through. Three losses for me and it never gets easy to go through but it gets easier every day to cope and find hope! GOod days and bad though for sure.

  2. My heart goes out to you. Those lost babies are so precious, no matter how long they lived! I am comforted to know that those babies are ALIVE. They live eternally, and some day you will be with those precious babies! That thought keeps me going. Our babies live. Many prayers to you!

  3. You are such an encouragement. Thanks for writing from the heart. I wanted to let you know I nominated you for a Sunshine Award! http://thischildsmom.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/sunshine-award-yay/

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