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Mad

May 24, 2013

I feel mad.
I feel like I decided to finally lay it all in Gods hands
To trust Him with our family size
And when I settled on that decision
Two babies die
My logic knows that things happen
Bad and good
But my grief says
“God i trusted you and you broke my heart.”
I don’t know how to get out of my grief and into my logic.
I don’t want to feel any of this
I miss all three of my boys so damn much
I’m waiting on God to make beautiful things out of the dust
Right now……
I feel like hell
But I’m trying to put on my happy face
I am blessed

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6 Comments
  1. Christina Bennefield permalink

    I miss my son. It’s been two years…
    I’m mad. I feel bad for being mad. But I’m so mad. I’m mad for you. Will the mad stop or at least soften?? Because its exhausting.

    • Isn’t it?? It does get better. My first loss was in 2004 and the anger subsided over time. But it super sucks. I’m not a mad person so its really hard.

  2. Excellent work! And it is WORK! Stacy, God doesn’t cause these things to happen. I think you and I both know this. However, God does make all things work together. Your sons have brought me closer to you and your family. We know that God’s mercy is amazing, and God’s love, unbelievable! I pray you continue to find words to share your feelings, because they ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE in my life, as well as those, who know you, and want to be present with you at this time…. Much love and continued prayers…. STAY IN GOD’S GRIP! Todd

  3. Christina Bennefield permalink

    I agree with Todd. My faith is what is holding me together.
    I feel like you say what I’m feeling. You understand and I don’t even have to apologize for having ‘bad days’.
    So from me THANK YOU!

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