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Should have….should be

May 22, 2013

All of my life I have wanted 5 kids.

I guess I wasn’t specific enough where I wanted them to be.

Ryley would be 8.5 were he here with us, Trevor is 7, Hannah is 6, Timothy would be around 8 months and I should be 17 weeks pregnant with Daniel.

My hearts hurts.

That is how I dreamed things would be.

Instead……..

Ryley has been buried since March 9th 2004, passed away March 3rd. Trevor and Hannah are perfect miracle blessings, Timothy has been gone over a year and we just laid little Daniel to rest today.

Life is really not fair. That is the truest statement I know.

I can never put myself through this heartbreak again. I can never be in this situation again. God gave me my five babies and I need to somehow make sense of it all.

Each one of my babies was born perfectly precious. I love all of my babies the exact same amount, even the ones that didn’t get to grace this earth. Part of my heart is with them. It will always be with them and I will always miss them. At the same time I cherish my sweet miracles and I adore every single second that I get with them.

More blogs to come because I simply can’t not write. It is good for my sanity. It keeps me ok.

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From → Baby Loss

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