Skip to content

I am ok.

January 28, 2013

My sister in law asked me a question that had been on my mind for a while now…..

She asked how I feel about the possibility of never being able to have kids again.

This question is one that I have been pondering since May 5th when we had Timothy.

At first I was desperate to have another baby.

I needed it badly.

Now, not so much.

My sister in law also reminded me that my two kids that I have here with me are complete miracles.

Ryley died first, then I have Trevor, and got pregnant with Hannah when Trevor was 4 months old, had them both with no issue and then just had sweet Timothy die. So, really…….My sweet kids that bless my socks off daily are huge miracles.

Do I want another baby? Yes. I do.

Do I want to be pregnant again? Not so much.

So if I am never able to get pregnant again, and do not get another baby will I be ok? Yes, I will be just fine.

God has already given me more than I had dreamed with Trevor and Hannah and they are enough if that is all God chooses to bless us with. They are enough.

So while my heart absolutely breaks when I think about my sweet Timothy and what he would be doing right now and what milestones he would be hitting right now….. I am also FINALLY at peace. The pain is still there. The empty spot in my heart is still there, but peace, from God fills it. My heart feels good. My future feels good. I do not know what is going on with my body, and my thyroid and all that mess and I do not know if I will ever get pregnant again…..but I am ok with whatever happens in that area. I won’t obsess over it, I wont stress over it. I wont fear.

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: