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Just an emotionally bad day.

October 18, 2012

I always try to be really honest in my grief. It is hard for me because when I face people I lie. So to be honest here is very difficult. It is almost as if nothing happened if I can just keep pretending all is well. So I don’t like to whine and moan about my issues because I know there is someone out there worse off than me……but…..sometimes I have to get it out….so I would rather write about it rather than bug and burden someone with my issues.
Anyways.
My son died.
I have had two babies die.
My arms are empty and some days my heart is broken.
Then to the fear.
I feel like I am never going to get pregnant again. My thyroid issues….and who knows what other issues. I just feel like there is no more babies in my future. It is a heartbreaking scary sad thought. I want a big family…….and I may not get it. I AM beyond thankful for Trevor and Hannah and am content with them. I just hate having a desire for more babies and a body that fails me. It sucks.
Then seeing Hannah cry because she wants us to have a baby so bad…..breaks my heart…

I will work through all of this is time. Im not rushing or I will regret it later when it all pops up unresolved…..

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From → Baby Loss

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