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Things change

September 3, 2012

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Emotions change …..life changes….things change….I was doing SO GOOD….and then Timothy’s grave marker came in the mail. It came to our house because we are having another company put it in. Anyways it is beautiful, but its just sitting on the kitchen table staring me in the face. Its like my reality finally hit me. It all has felt like a bad dream …..but sitting at the kitchen table is the reality. It was not a bad dream…I should be due in a few weeks. Its already hitting me harder than I had imagined. I see all these people gushing over amazing new babies….and rightly so….but my silent pain cuts deep. I should be having that soon too but instead…..I don’t. I had to cancel a photo session because I can’t be around pregnant people right now. It’s too hard. I know I need to give myself permission to cry but I just can’t right now. I hate that I was doing so good and now I just feel so bad. I don’t even have words to adequately describe how I feel. Maybe tomorrow will be better? I think when the grave marker is in the ground and out of my house I will be better. Maybe feel closure…maybe feel some peace…..

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From → Baby Loss

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