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When songs attack

August 25, 2012

So I am sitting at the church here in Texas City and Blessed Be The Name comes on the speaker system here. Bring on the tears… gosh. Like I love the song even more now. It has so much more meaning to me than to most people. It just instantly brings up Timothy and the memorial service. It brings up the picture of that tiny little coffin in my mind……it brings up the pain and anguish. It brings up so many heartbreaking feelings. As I listen and keep singing, while hiding in the bathroom and crying… also brings up how good my God is and how He has carried me every step of the way and how no matter what I will always say Blessed Be His Name! My heart is not healed but it is in the process. God is working on me! My heart will always have two scars on it. Scars sometimes hurt, even years later, they are always there and that part of you with the scar is forever changed. That is the way my heart is, forever changed. Right now I should be a month or so from my due date. It saddens me to think about it. So I don’t think about it. I think about the Timothy that I got to know. I think about the few kicks and flutters that I got to feel. I think about the mashed potatoes that I craved constantly. I think about those moments that I cherished. I cling to the good and rest in Jesus knowing I will see my sons again one day.


From → Baby Loss

  1. After my dad died I refused to sing that song each time we sang it at church. Because when the verse “You give and take away” started I wanted to scream. I looked around the church at all the happy people who didn’t have anyone close to them just die and I wondered if they would still be smiling and singing that verse if they were in my shoes. I carried a lot of bitterness, obviously. Well years later I was able to sing that song again and mean it. I could focus on the give part and not just the take away part. God had given me so much, His Son, my dad for the years I had him, and my family. The sting of the “take” was soothed by the joy of the “give.” I’m so sorry that you are in the sting part of your loss. I pray for God to bring you comfort.

    • Yep. That’s the verse that gets me 🙂 It sucks but its also amazing too. Im just thankful to be able to say and believe that God IS good!

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