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Sixteen weeks

February 5, 2014

I will  be 16 weeks this Sunday-ish. 16 weeks is when we found out Daniel died. I know that doesn’t mean that this baby will die at 16 weeks but you cant help but fear that number. I have been checking babys heartbeat twice a day everyday all of this week. I cant help it. I have been begging God to keep this babys heart beating and to keep me healthy. I am doing everything I can, taking my vitamins, eating healthy, taking my supplements. I am just praying for a miracle.

I cant say everything will be fine because I don’t know that. The odds aren’t in my favor, so by asking God for one more miracle, that is exactly what I mean. Three of my babies have died, two have made it and this one needs a fighting chance.

I want to get to 20 weeks and start feeling this babe moving. Daily. Then maybe I will breathe a little but easier. I will never feel safe though and my guard will never be down. My heart has been broken too many times to let my guard down. I envy the women that have nice healthy pregnancies with not a care or a worry in the world. I wish I had that. I wish I didn’t know the sting of loss. I wish my kids didn’t know that babies died.

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3 Comments
  1. I’m so sorry you are feeling all of that. I can only imagine your fear. I envy girls with easy pregnancies, too. Praying for miracles and that this little one makes it. xo

  2. Praying for you! Someone told me that after their loss a doctor told that this: that this baby doesn’t deserve to feel those emotions from before.
    I don’t know why this has stuck with me, but I too believe it’ll be incredibly hard to go through another pregnancy and to keep oneself/myself without fear and worry.

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