Just one of those days
Here is the thing.
I don’t blog for people to read it, I blog for my soul. I blog so that I don’t lose my mind!! Once I blog, I get it off of my chest and feel so much better. But I am blessed when people do read it.
I kinda quit blogging for a bit.
People don’t seem to understand loss.
Some told me to buck up, get some therapy, talk to a professional, etc.
This blog is my therapy. I don’t like talking to people face to face, so that wouldn’t help. Just makes me mad.
Losing a baby May 2012 and another precious son May 2013, I have faced hell. I have worked through so much and I still have a ways to go.
The next few months feel hard for me already.
As my precious friend celebrates her babys first birthday, I sit here with empty arms wishing I was planning Timothy’s first birthday party. Come October……. our sweet Daniel would have been due.
All of those horrible feeling creep back in at the drop of a hat.
But I tend to keep them to myself now, or my blog here because I know that I make people uncomfortable. I don’t want to be “that girl”
I want people to want to be around me.
Some days I feel like I have the plague. I don’t get included or invited anywhere!!! I promise I am not that bad! It just takes me a while to warm up to people. I am very guarded.
Anyways. Be patient with me.
I am ok for the most part but this ol’ heart is still pretty raw.
My biggest prayer was for a healthy baby and I got handed two born still.
No momma should go through that.
I am a mother to five. I carried five lives inside of me.
Ryley(Miscarried at 13 weeks), Trevor (My handsome 8 year old), Hannah (My sweet 7 year old), Timothy (Miscarried at 19 weeks) and Daniel(Miscarried at 16 weeks)
I look to people like the mom to two, a boy and a girl, but I am momma to FIVE. Five very important precious lives that all have huge importance and meaning.